


The way the beach is kissed by the sea

by I_am_sorry



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Ending Again, Break Up, Depression, Frustration, Getting Back Together, Introspection, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Photography, Post-Break Up, Post-Canon, Slice of Life, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, and, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 13:48:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8058709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_sorry/pseuds/I_am_sorry
Summary: On the eve of Oikawa’s Tooru marriage, Iwaizumi Hajime goes back home.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Love, Reign o'er Me --Only love can make it rain, the way the beach is kissed by the sea.

All it takes it's a phone call, old memories, traces of childhood, things he did and things he didn't, words he wished he could have said, Hajime is twenty seven when Oikawa calls again for the first time in almost three years, he is getting married, he says --his voice unchanged and light-- and he hopes that maybe 'Iwaizumi-chan' could go. 

The phone call is hurried, just some greetings and the usual congratulations that are in order for this kind of news. It seems impersonal somehow but he accepts Oikawa's invitation with an exasperated huff, and the slightest hint of a smile. 'You were always the popular one’.

It's been three years but when Oikawa answers back with playful banter, Hajime can feel the years and distance shortening. 

The dull beep of the line going mute tells him (it's over) he needs to move and keep going with the rest of his day. Prepare some lunch and finish some of the photographs he took in his last trip but instead he just stares at his phone, black case with a safety charm attached to the side, and reads the specifications for assistance to the place the wedding will be held in that Oikawa texted him.

The world doesn't stop at this, Hajime knows. The clock keeps ticking, the leaves from the trees outside keep falling and all the messages unread in his e-mail are still there (untouched). It almost feels like any other day with dirty dishes on the sink, papers scattered around his desk and work he has postponed for so long that is no wonder the company keeps nagging him about it.

Oikawa Tooru is getting married and yet the world isn't slowing down. Hajime is still breathing.

He doesn't know what to do with this weird line of thinking or why is even worth considering something as fatal as the world ending to an analogy with what a wedding usually means… new beginnings, but in the end he scrolls down to his contact list and after some minimal searching he reaches Matsukawa's number.

"Hey," he says as the line connects. "you up for some drinking tonight?"

"So you have heard the good news?"

"Yeah." Hajime says easily, Matsukawa has been a constant friend in these past days. Their works colliding out of pure luck, his well-sold pictures and Matsukawa's editorial blend well together.

"Well I offer to drag your sorry ass once you are a drunk crying mess."

Hajime frowns. "Why would I cry?"

There's a silence in the other side of the line and after some more moments Matsukawa replies with a "Right." It sounds dry and unimpressed.

"What?" 

"No --I just, I'll see you there."

“Okay.”

He sighs after that and walks towards his study, sitting idly on the floor and scattering all the pictures he keeps in well-organized boxes around him. This assignment he has been working on for weeks seems to be still incomplete and no matter how much he tries for it to be finished, he can’t quite manage it. And of course the deadline it’s approaching fast.  
He stares at the pictures with mild disinterest, some colorful places he has visited and some others that look like a watercolor in plain shiny paper. Places, things, animals, houses, woods --something like a scene frozen in mid motion. All his work seems to be lacking the opposite, maybe that’s why he hasn’t been able to finish what was asked of him.

Because he had always associated the idea of love with graceful fluidity and his work doesn’t seem to have it. 

He looks around all the negatives and old photos he has never presented before but nothing seems to have it, this feeling he wants to provide of insecurity and wonder and freshness (young, really, really young love); a cascade never stopping its curse.

So he just gives up and flops over all of his pictures, drags his phone close and stares at the screen again (three fucking years), he debates with himself for a moment before marking Oikawa’s number.

It goes to dead a few times before it reaches in. “Iwaizumi-chan?”

Hajime looks at the ceiling of his apartment thinking of what he should say. “I wanted to ask you something…”

“Yeah?”

“Could you and your girlfriend pose for me once I arrive there, I mean it won’t take long but I would like to craft the settings and the context. I just, I need to finish an assignment because the deadline is approaching and nothing in my previous works seem to be fitting. It’s about love so it shouldn’t be a problem?”

Oikawa is silent for a moment and Hajime wonders if he will refuse, he would be in his right to do so. Oikawa doesn't owe him anything. They don't owe each other anything at all. “Okay.” He says finally and that’s that.

“Should I bring something special?” His voice sounds distant and the static on the line gives it off more muffled than anything.

“No,” Hajime blinks (rubbing his eyes). “I will take care of it.”

“Iwaizumi-chan there’s something I wanted to ask you too.”

“Hmm?” He asks feeling like he is about to doze off but not really tired. “You can tell me.”

“I don’t have a best man.” 

“Well,” Hajime is not sure if he should offer but distance and awkwardness tend to do that to people. He kind of doesn’t want to but since Oikawa is willing to help him out with the  
photographs there is no way out, he guesses. “I could try, or I don’t know ask someone?”

Oikawa laughs a little bit at that. “I would like for you to try.”

 

\- - -

 

"So best man?" Matsukawa looks at him over the rim of his drink. "I'm not actually surprised but it feels wrong, you know."

Hajime stares at his own cup, filled with hot steaming sake. "That he is pretentious enough to marry in western style?" 

"That too," Matsukawa adds as more people enter the bar. "but I guess this have to do with him trying to make a fashion statement or something."

Hajime snorts amusedly. "He has always hated the traditional style." And it feels wrong somehow to talk about someone with that much familiarity when you have been out touch for so long. 

"You were to his sister's wedding, right?"

"I was." For everything really, all the little moments, all the important memory's in Tooru's life. He still remembers the day Oikawa's grandparent passed away, it was one of the saddest in both of their lives or when Oikawa got his first volley ball and tried his first serve. The first girl that took notice of him and the first time Oikawa got in a serious  
figh twith some punks who tried to molest that same girl. It all seems now like a distant dream. He wonders if he has pictures of all this moments in some place back in his parents’ home, if he was the one who took them and if he can work with them in another future project.

"She was beautiful that day." He feels himself smiling fondly at the memory. "I think she lives in Fukuoka now; Oikawa's nephew is going to college this year."

His friend seems to contemplate him for a moment. "Have you ever fallen in love Iwaizumi?"

Hajime doesn't' know what that has to do with anything, if he should avoid the topic or just lie and wait for Matsukawa to give up this strange behavior of his. "No, at least I don't think so."

"I knew someone who was in love with you once."

It's so easy saying it like that (love), he thinks maybe he knew that person too and it's it not something he wants to dwell in. Earlier today when he stepped out of his apartment, he sow people rushing the streets to avoid the rain and fading lights in the fog of a busy afternoon in Tokyo and thought of all the ways his life could have gone, being  
in love with this memory --a quiet house in his hometown, with a garden full of floral plants. Getting old and holding that person's hand in the most uneventful of his days; it could have been his everything, maybe it was but it's not his reality now. "Are you still in contact with Makki?"

"Touché."

Hajime just shakes his head. "I want to show you some of my old pictures back in home, see if you can work with them."

"A trip to memory lane?"

"Something like that."

 

\---

 

The first thing Oikawa does when he sees him again after the long hiatus in their friendship is to hold on tight. He can feel his bones cracking at the force and his lungs straining for air as Oikawa's arms envelope him in a bear hug. He tries to hug back and as he does so he can actually taste Oikawa's tears in his tongue. They are in Sendai's train station with his luggage at their side and Hajime remembers briefly one of the most beautiful places he has seen in his entire life, some distant part of China with thick foliage and high canopies of trees with the sunshine lazily seeping through, the hum of the river close to the mountains and the cicadas cheerfully singing in tune. He remembers how when he was just a kid, he had always refused to travel outside of this prefecture and Oikawa's itch to leave as soon as he was able to.

The wedding will take place in here out of sentimentality. Hajime knows Oikawa always talked about having roots, deep and well placed so it's not surprising but he also knows his former setter won't stay more than necessary. It's been so long and he has seen so much of the world already, that he has been entertaining the idea of moving back once he retires from photography some years from now and maybe even opening a study to teach the basics of volleyball to wide eyed kids, eager to set and spike with bruises in their knees and force in their hands.

"Oikawa." He breaths as his friend let's go.

"Iwaizumi Hajime-san," Oikawa says with his eyes still damp and a big smile across his lips. "you are here early."

Hajime nods and waits for Oikawa to say something else but he doesn't so he supposes is his turn. "I brought you something, I mean well I have a wedding gift also but there's a really good bakery close to my apartment in Tokyo and they sell handmade milk bread, is good, um, way better that the shit you used to buy in conveniences stores so I thought-"

Oikawa just smiles again and it seems so sincere, Hajime just kind of shrugs. "I'm sure it will be really delicious." So he just hands him the well decorated box with the sweet bread inside.

Their way home is unexpectedly comfortable and Oikawa just seems happy to hum to himself and point random things to him. Hajime knows it shouldn't feel this easy but somehow it does -- especially when they start talking about their old high school days and about all the friends they used to have and what these persons are doing today. 

"So, what's her name?" Hajime asks finally after running out of topics of conversation. It's the correct thing to ask in the end because really, a wedding is a two people thing and his mother always told him about how the bride was the most important piece in that day.

"Nanae." Oikawa says without missing a bit and Hajime can feel the fondness in his voice. They talk about her for a bit and he learns that she is a therapist who specialized in sports injury (that's how the met), that she is allergic to cats and sucks at cooking. Oikawa tells him these things like little precious secrets, information he keeps close to his heart and he understands with that, that she is special.

"You seem grateful to have met her." It's not even a question; he is just declaring a fact.

"I really, really am." Oikawa says in between bites of the milk bread Hajime brought him all the way from Tokyo and he sounds so, so sincere these days, not fake smiles altogether, that he wonders if this change is also linked to the person who will be Oikawa's wife.

"She is in my parents’ house so I guess you will be able to meet her soon."

He nods an agreement at that and slumps in his seat. He closes his eyes waiting for them to arrive but there are still some miles to go so he settles instead to look at Oikawa's profile as he drives (Oikawa's-san car) skillfully through Miyagi's crowded streets and can't help but notice the slight changes his friend shows now --his hair is longer but still perfectly styled, his face devoid of anything of the usual arrogance, softer in some way. Oikawa has somehow a different air around him than what Hajme used to remember and it's not only that he's a wide known model, because Hajime has seen him in many fashion magazines over this past three years, it is something completely different from that. 

"You think too much, Hajime-san." Oikawa teases softly but it's endearing and it shows concern and Hajime can't for the life of him reconcile this Oikawa with the little shit his younger self used to be. 

"I didn't bring her anything," he sighs tiredly as he shifts in his seat once again. "your girlfriend, I mean, I didn't get her anything aside from your wedding gift and--"

"It's okay," Oikawa reassures him quietly. "Nanae has been dying to meet you so for you to be here, that's enough. It really is."

 

\---

 

Nanae is summer in a sepia photograph. Hajme likes her; she is around his height with tan skin, dark hair and a really impressive temper for someone who looks that petite. 

"I can't believe him," she scowls. "We had a gift for you and he forgot to take it with him."

"I don't mind." Hajime answers truthfully. She seems sweet and kind and nothing like all those superficial girls Oikawa used to date when they were younger… and that's… that’s good but there's something that makes him incredible uncomfortable under her unwavering gaze and he doesn't know what it is. "I don't have anything for you anyway." He says and waits for her to comment something about his lack of modals but she just laughs. 

"You are very straight forward, huh?"

He just shrugs and expects a clever answer to that from Oikawa's lips, old force of habit, but his friend says nothing; he just stands there at her side biting the inside of his right cheek. He is trying to do (say?) something, but he is refraining as well.

"If you want to say something, just say it dumbass." 

Oikawa actually snorts. "I can't believe you are still calling me that."

"Tooru," Nanae utters, and it sounds like a warning, exasperatedly. "Just tell him."

"I have missed you." The Oikawa Hajime remembers would have never accepted something like that in front of him, let alone to anyone else, too proud and too scared to even try but this Oikawa here who is twenty seven and on the eve of getting married holds his ground quite easily. "I have missed you a lot."

"Is good to see you too," Hajime answers back quietly. "And meeting you." He adds as an afterthought to Oikawa's girlfriend.

She smiles at that, so sweetly, he wonders how Oikawa ever managed to get himself a girl like her. "I'm the one who is pleased actually. I feel like already know you because Tooru talks so much about you."

Hajime wonders about that --famous model and ex professional volleyball player Oikawa Tooru talking about a hometown boy who used to be his best friend. It seems unlikely but well...he doesn't know what to say next so he just opts to remain silent, watching at the happy couple sitting on the couch in front of him, they look really good together now that he pays attention, almost magazine like --domestic bliss and all that shit but with a little more of class. They will be good for him and his project, he thinks.

"So," Nanae continues after a while after bringing some snacks. "Tooru's parents are out and well, I was all by myself in this big house so I thought why not trying cooking something for you boys." She nods at the plate with perfectly acceptable spring rolls and waits for Haji me to take one, which he actually does, out of courtesy. "I hope you like them."

"It's good." 

"It's awful." Oikawa whines from his spot and Hajime has this need to whack him in the head for his insensitiveness but he doesn’t move from his sitting place.

"I know," Nanae sighs with fake misery. "I'll order pizza later but for now why don't you tell me about you, are you seeing someone? A lucky girl who could be a potential friend to me?" Oikawa goes very still at her side after that --chocolate colored eyes lowered and lips set in a straight line. 

"No --well, sometimes." Hajime thinks about that, he has had relationships before, of course, dates and one-night stands too but it never gets serious. All of his previous lovers are flighty and way more gorgeous than what should be legal, and they are always looking to just have a good time. No strings attached. He gets calls just to fuck around sometimes and well if someone had said ten years ago that he would be the one with fuckbuddies now while Oikawa had a wife, he would have laughed in their faces. "I was seeing a model."

"Oh," Oikawa says with vague interest, looking pointedly at the spring rolls on the table, playing idly with them.

"Models, heh?" Nana says half laughing and there's definitely something wicked in her gaze that set Hajime on edge.

"Hotaro Satoshi," Hajime answers trying to repress the urge to frown. "We have a thing but it's not-- not serious. I haven't seen him in months and he has been busy with some new campaign and we are not… he is in India right now."

"I know him," Oikawa mumbles unhappily still squishing the spring rolls around. "Hotaro --he is been in a blast lately. Cute face, tall and blonde but nasty personality, seriously Iwaizumi-kun, you could do better I think."

Hajime shrugs. "I did a photoshoot for him. We clicked."

"You work with many models then?" Nanae asks curious. "I thought your photos were more of landscapes and places.”

Is not that he only works on landscapes or places, or animals or plants; what his work is about, what he tries to convey with it is a feeling. A flicker of emotion. A memory or a wish. "Some models have seen my work and they have liked it so sometimes they ask me to work with them and if I'm not engrossed in any other thing, I usually accept."

"Satoshi did." Hajime says blandly. And for all his passion and goals even he knows sometimes work is just that, work. "It seemed like a good opportunity to work with human emotions for once."

"But you are no longer together?" Oikawa asks looking anywhere but at Hajime's face.

"Not really," Hajime looks down at the table in front of him, with all the dishes spread and almost smiles at the homely quality of it. "He hates the idea of commitment."

Hajime doesn’t even stop to wonder why he seeks this type of partner anymore. He just accepts them and tries to make them happy as much as it lasts. 

He used to hold commitment very high a long time ago...

Nowadays he doesn’t care shit about it. Promises as much as Hajime likes them, when it’s about love, don't really last.

 

___

 

When Hajime was eight years he fell in love at... Well it wasn't really at first sight. He had known Tooru since both of them were toddlers and to be sincere he had never even considered Tooru's crazy ideas of marring him appealing enough. Tooru had started this weird topic when they were six and their mother's had laughed while Hajime frowned.

His friend had never really let it go after that and Hajime found it gross because he had better things to do than listen to Tooru whine all day about how Hajime had to be the perfect husband. About how they should play house to see how things would be... Tooru was bossy, he wanted attention all the time and he didn't like mud or bugs. So why would Hajime want to marry -even if he was pretty, the prettiest boy he had ever seen- someone like that?

It wasn’t until they were eight that one day Tooru stormed through Hajime’s room and demanded him to stop working on his homework and come to play outside with him. He had a shining new volleyball and a new whim.

It started as everything Tooru did... Halfheartedly, but hours became, days and days became weeks and the whim was no longer that...

Tooru had fallen in love and like with everything he loved. It consumed him and obsessed him toughly. He was good but he would get better. The blue, blue sky behind his back as he laughed and promised Hajime the world.

They were eight but Tooru was sure he wouldn’t love anything else as much as he did this, volleyball and Hajime. 

And Hajime discovered right then, that it was mutual and he was so, so fucked because of it. Tooru had a high power over him already and now... Now he would never hear the end of it. So he kept his mouth shut.

It wasn't until years later, in high school that they spoke about this issue again. Oikawa as always asked first. 

He asked if Hajime had already had sex, if he had anyone he liked... If he knew how it worked between two guys...

 

\---

 

They arrange to take the pictures in casual clothes at first. Hajime will make a transition from this to the weeding and after that he will end the shoot with another pair of models... Younger ones. High schoolers. He will try and assemble a contrast. 

He explains this and they set to work. As Hajime had noticed before Oikawa and his future wife are a perfect match. He snaps picture after picture, keeps the negatives and hands them some of the better finished photographs. 

It’s late when they finish the session and Nanae yawns exhausted. "I am going first but you don’t have to come with me. I know how it is with old friends. You have a lot of catching up to do, I know, so go and don't mind me boys."

She waves goodbye happily and strolls leisurely towards the Oikawa's home.

"She is pretty." Hajime says after she is gone because she is and he thinks she is a good person and that she is good for Oikawa as well.

"Yeah" Oikawa says as he watches her go.

"Wanna go with her?" Hajime asks as he finishes tiding his camera lenses. He wouldn't feel upset about it if Oikawa did; after all when you are in love is normal to want to spend as much time with the person that holds your heart.

Not that Hajime remembers that sentiment well enough. All the models he has dated, or more like the ones who have harassed him to get him to date them, they don't awaken anything of the like inside him. 

He has almost forgotten what it feels like, being in love.

Oikawa shakes his head and shoves his hands inside the pockets of his pants. "We haven’t seen each other in a while, what do you wanna do?"

"The park?" Hajime asks and it feels alright. The park was one of their places but not one of their most treasured ones. It feels like middle grown.

"Shure," Oikawa smiles. "we should stop by the convenience store first, though."

And they do. They buy a couple of beers and some snacks and find a nice spot in the park to sit. It's quiet at first as they watch how the sunlight starts to die out, reds and yellows changing to purples hues. 

"Did you ever think it would come a day like this?"

Hajime drinks his beer, it's somehow bitter, and reasons about Oikawa's question. The first answer that comes to his mind is yes. After their last year of high school, after college and after everything... Hajime had thought a day like this would come. 

He had been harsh about it but it had seemed all so logical...

His second choice of an answer is a firm no. This 'no' Hajime guesses comes from somewhere deep inside, somewhere forgotten. Hopeful and idealistic. What he would have answered if had been eight years old. 

He settles instead for an "I don't know." 

Oikawa looks at him, assessing, looking for something. He doesn't seem to find it, however. Or maybe is just that he has forgotten how to read Hajime. 

"I always wanted a summer wedding." 

"I know." Hajime says. 

They are in the middle of fall.

 

\---

 

They kiss for the first time at fourteen. It’s awkward and their noses bump and their teeth clash together clumsily. They get better at it with time and practice and soon some months after that Tooru whisper’s in Hajime's ear that he wants to try having sex. 

Hajime swallows hard at that and wonders how...

Later that night he searches information about the how. About what goes in where and... It looks painful, almost impossible but, but...

Hajime doesn't even know who will bottom but either way; it just seems like a bad idea. The information mentions things like diarrhea and broken tissue and infections and he kind of winces at it.

A week pass and then, they are alone in Oikawa's house -his parents gone for the weekend. 

Hajime explains carefully the how and the where and he also adds there's no hurry to do anything. They are freshmen in Aoba Jhosay that year, they still have two years to go and even if he doesn’t say out aloud... A lifetime ahead of them. They will be fifteen soon. They can wait.

Tooru narrows his eyes and complains and complains and threatens to do it with someone else, Hajime doesn’t believe him for  
a second but he smacks him in the head for good measure anyway. 

In the end after a lot of whining and even some fake crying, Hajime --because it has been proven time and time again he can't say no to Tooru-- relents and sighs.

They flip a coin to see who will be on top and Tooru accepts gracefully defeat as Hajime's side of the coin wins. It doesn’t matters because Tooru intended to bottom since the beginning, or so he says. 

So they undress and it doesn't feel awkward or lustful or anything for the matter; they have shared more baths than they care to remember. Tooru goes and lies on his bed and waits as Hajime fumbles with the lube --which will minimize the discomfort-- and the condoms, that will be used as a method of keeping things as clean as possible as well as for sparing Tooru stomachache. 

Tooru however as always as the little hormonal piece of shit that he is fights Hajime about the condoms. 

'I can't get pregnant and even if I was a girl and you knocked me up it wouldn't be a problem. We are gotta get married anyway Iwa-chan.'

And...

'Everybody in school says it's better without a condom.' 

And...

'Hurry up, I'm getting old! Ha-ji-me~'

And finally after the complaining is over Hajime climbs up Tooru's bed and settles between his legs. Tooru has long pale legs and his breath hitches when Hajime caresses one. They are not hard yet just halfway there but Hajime thinks it won't take much.

He opens the tub of the gel squishes a big amount in his fingers and searches for the place he is supposed to stretch. Tooru looks at him between half lidded eyes and thick lashes and tries to relax. 

One finger slips in and Hajime works with that for a while after adding a second one. It takes minutes and he coats everything as much as he can. After three fingers are finally in Tooru squirms on the bed. He doesn't seem to be in any pain but he is not crying out in pleasure either. So Hajime tries again and searches for something inside that is supposed to make Tooru feel good and it takes a while but after some more attempts, he finds it.

Tooru arches his back and closes his eyes -his toes curling. Hajime watches him intently as he tries again, a little deeper this time changing the angle and Tooru's neck tenses as he whimpers something unintelligible.

Tooru usual pale skin flushed a shade of rosy red after Hajime is done with the preparation, his eyes are misted all over and his breathing is quick enough that Hajime worries he will have a stroke. 

By the time he finally sinks in he is not a better frame of mind either. It's hot inside Tooru and still a little too tight. Tooru's lashes flutter as Hajime shifts and waits for the initial burn to pass. 

'Hajime.' Tooru sighs as he brings his arms around Hajime's neck and his legs around Hajime's waist --doing his best impression of an octopus. 

'Hajime,' He says again closer to Hajime's ear. 'if you ever dare to do this with someone else, I will find you and, and...'

Tooru moans as Hajime starts to move slowly, just barely and he loses any coherent thought after that. Hajime tries to be gentle, as gentle as he can which in retrospective maybe wasn't the wisest option --because it last longer than it should this way and Tooru trembles under him again and again and again.

They both groan after a particular deeper thrust and Tooru cries out when Hajime manages to hit that same spot he found with his fingers earlier. 

It all speeds up after that. Hajime tries to look for that same spot afterwards and with every little push he does Tooru writhes under him. They are panting hard by the end of it and Hajime closes his eyes as finally Tooru constricts around him, tensing, head trown back as he climaxes and stays limp afterwards. 

Hajime intends to pull out after that -- even if he hasn’t finished yet because if he tried he could end up hurting Tooru and that’s something he doesn't want to do-- but Tooru refuses to let him go still high on the afterglow. 

'Finish inside, Hajime' Tooru all but purrs, looking well fucked and stupidly content. 

Hajime thinks he won't love anyone as fiercely ever again. He is fucking ruined for any other person now.

 

\---

 

"Do you like it?" Nanae asks and Hajime can tell she is not doing it to be presumptions. The ring is beautiful, a gold band with a row of diamonds. It's flashy but then again Oikawa can be a flashy bastard when he wants to be one. 

"I think it looks good on you." 

"Thank you" She smiles and nudges him with her elbow. "I would have preferred something simpler but Tooru insisted."

Hajime nods. "He tends to do what he wants." 

"I hope the cake is okay as well." Nanae adds after that which makes Hajime wonder why he is the one going to order the cake with her and not Oikawa. Although it could as very well be, him doing what is expected of a best man.

They reach the bakery fairy quickly. It’s a nice a little place, hidden in a corner. The cake will be medium sized because the reception will be something intimate --just family and some friends.

Hajime hears Nanae speak with the attendant, matters or size and decoration and tunes it off. It feels weird being here, back in his hometown again picking a cake for a wedding. Oikawa's... His childhood friend wedding.

"Hajime-san?" She asks and he turns to her. "What do you think about vanilla bread and bitter chocolate topping?"

"Oikawa hates bitter chocolate." Hajime says out of pure reflex. Things he knows about Oikawa that stopped being important years ago, things Hajime could definitely do without but his mind refuses to forget.

"I know," she says once again smiling. "but what do you think about it?"

"I like bitter chocolate." Hajime is not a fan of sweets but he likes bitter chocolate well enough.

"We are taking this with us then." She points the cake with bitter fondue and vanilla bread and thanks the woman wrapping the cake in a white box. 

"I thought we were ordering one a little bigger?" 

"Oh, of course this one is just desert for tonight’s dinner. The cake for the wedding will be ready in four days--"

A loud sound interrupts her explanation and with that Hajime notices he was only paying half attention to what she was saying.

"Aren't you going to answer?" She asks sympathetic and curious.

And Hajime snaps out of it and picks up his cellphone without even looking to the caller id. "Yeah?" Hajime's eyebrows actually shot up at hearing the voice greeting him through the phone. Hotaro Satoshi is back in Japan and he sounds oddly enough, really contrite. He wants to fix things, he says. He is also sorry and he wants to see Hajime, really, really badly. Hotaro waits for his answer and Hajime shifts awkwardly, uncomfortably --if he were to invite, he knows, Satoshi would come to stay with him until the wedding was done.

"I am in my hometown." Is all he manages to answer him. 

 

\---

 

Hajime watches as it happens and feels like he has gone back in time. Oikawa jumps and the power behind the serve is impressive. 

"I don't know what to say," he admits awed after the ball hits the ground because he thought, if he is pressed enough to say the truth, he thought he wouldn’t see Oikawa jump like that ever again. 

"It's no big deal." Oikawa says shrugging and Hajime wonders where the man who had more pride than common sense went, it is unnerving seeing Oikawa like this.

"Wanna try some spikes?" Oikawa asks and Hajime first instinct is to say no but something in Oikawa's eyes makes him relent.

"I am out of practice." 

"It’s okay, I am not as good as I used to be." It's a lie, Hajime can tell but he chooses to not comment on it. 

They get in position, Oikawa lifting the ball for him and Hajime breathes through it, the ball hits his hand and the floor on the other side of the net. Oikawa claps behind him. "I knew you still had it in you." 

"Nah, just luck," Hajime looks around the place. He feels old standing here. "How did you get permission to use this gym, anyway?" 

"Some people owed me favors," 

It must have been some serious favors Hajime guesses -seeing as they have all the gym to themselves in a Saturday night, their old school gym, Aoba Jhosay’s gym.  
"Coaching," Oikawa explains as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. "I have been working as a sort of coach, a temporary one, I am not sure if I will be staying but the brats are doing a great work."

Hajime just looks at him. 

Oikawa smiles back. 

"What happened to you?"

Oikawa's smile falters. He shrugs again. "Wanna try once more?"

"Sure."

And just like that they keep playing until both of them are out of breath. It feels good --like going home after a long absence. Oikawa smiles at him as he leans down to pick his water bottle. "I had forgotten what it felt like."

"Hm?"

"Tossing for you."

Hajime shakes his head. "I am sure there were better players than me in the national team." This is a topic they don’t really talk about. Oikawa's time with Japan’s team it’s something like a taboo for them. 

"Maybe." 

"Then why?" Hajime is not sure what it is that he is asking. Whatever answer Oikawa will give, he thinks, won't make a difference. It shouldn't. It doesn't matter now --not after all this time. 

"Why do you think?"

\---

"I will wait for you to propose, you know" Tooru says as he rolls from Hajime's bed. He drags the covers with him and steps towards Hajime's desk. 

Hajime doesn't even bother to replay. They have been three years together --as in dating and fucking and doing shit couples do. It's not that bad. Tooru seems happy and that's all Hajime cares about, even if he does complain regularly about Hajime's lack of romanticism, there's no denying they are where they need to be. A perfect fit. 

"Shut up."

Tooru narrows his eyes but there's laughter shining in them. "Make me."

Hajime groans at that but he gets up anyway and hauls Tooru back to the bed, wrapped in a bundle of sheets, screaming, kicking and laughing like a maniac. "You Iwa-chan, are such a brute--"

Hajime kisses him then, silencing whatever nonsense the setter was to go about. Nothing else matters right now, not with Tooru trapped below him, kissing back. 

He is aware he doesn't say it often, or at least nor as freely and frequently as Tooru does but that feeling… it burns his chest and makes him lightheaded. He knows what it is and he also knows only Shittykawa is able to awaken it in him. 

Later that night as Tooru sleeps clinging to him; Hajime takes enough time to properly express it through words. He paints the letters in Tooru's back with his fingers, carefully and slowly, shifting his position on the bed as his idiot tries to cling closer to him as their legs tangle.

'I love you too.'

 

\---

 

Hajime doesn’t know what to say or more appropriately, what to do. It’s just his fucking luck, really, that Satoshi is standing in the train station looking as haughty as ever, right in front of Oikawa and him. He can’t very well tell him to turn back now that he is here but he has a bad feeling about it nonetheless. It doesn’t help matters that Oikawa seems to be picking apart all of Satoshi’s weakness with the careful precision of a scalpel. Hajime knows that look in Oikawa’s eyes; it never ends well for the person at the other side of it.

“Hajime,” Satoshi says looking Oikawa up and down. “you didn’t tell me you were friends with, Oikawa-san.”

“It’s a long story.” Hajime says not really in the mood to elaborate any further. 

“Oh, well.” Satoshi says shrugging and stepping up, Hajime knows what is coming but he does nothing to stop it --all in all is what couples do, right? This knowledge however doesn’t stop him from feeling like shit. Oikawa is getting married so it shouldn’t matter that Satoshi is kissing him right before his former first love and childhood friend. It really shouldn’t but Hajime has to step away and swallow down the bile in his throat, he is not able to look Oikawa in the eye for the rest of the evening.

Nanae smiles at the unexpected guess and pats Oikawa’s arm in what Hajime has begun to understand, is a calming gesture.

“Are you staying with Hajime?” She asks.

At what he immediately answers. “No.”

“Oh,” 

“You would be too uncomfortable,” Hajime doesn’t say no lover has been in his room since high school. He tries to not think how much it would feel like a sort of betrayal. “I will take you to a nearby hotel.”

“Okay.”

After exchanging the minimal pleasantries and dinner, Hajime decides it’s time for them to go and search a proper place for Satoshi to stay. Oikawa says he knows the right place and offers to take them there. They walk in silence and when Satoshi extends his hand, Hajime sighs and twirls it with his own.

Oikawa stays silent behind them.

The place they reach is a modest house that holds rooms for staying. Hajime doesn’t think, Satoshi will be contented with it but it’s late and they don’t have any more options.  
They check him in and when is apparent that the time to say goodbye has arrived, Satoshi stops him in front of the door. “Aren’t you staying?”

Hajime swallows hard; he would lie if he says that it doesn’t tempt him. Satoshi with his wavy blond hair, pale skin and long legs would be a convenient outlet for all the unexpected feelings that had been tormenting him since he came back here but he just, he can’t. 

He shakes his head and gives his lover a chaste kiss on the cheek as a form of parting. Oikawa doesn’t say anything after they are done with Satoshi and Hajime wonders if maybe it’s because it doesn’t affect him anymore.

“I want to go to the river,”

“No.”

“Hajime-san,” Oikawa starts but Hajime doesn’t want to hear it. 

“No.” He repeats again firmly, he knows what Oikawa is trying to do; he doesn’t know why he is trying though. “I am not going there with you.”

“Not even if the stars started falling from the sky.” Oikawa asks, spreading his arms, palms open wide, he looks miserable but not on the verge of tears, not yet.

“I am not doing this.” Hajime says, voice rough, because Oikawa is getting married in a week and he has a lover, or something like that and Hajime has been doing fine, he has living and breathing and that’s enough.

“I want to go the river,” Oikawa says again, a little weaker this time. “please.”

And that’s it, the final streak, what makes Hajime snap, because Oikawa Tooru doesn’t beg, doesn’t apologize, doesn’t know how to be anything else but his shitty annoying self. “What the fuck happened to you?”

“I don’t know what--”

“What the fuck happened Tooru?” Hajime is screaming now, shaking the other man with brute force.

“You left!” 

“What?”

“You left.” Oikawa says again, his voice clear, he is trembling and Hajime doesn’t know if from sadness or fury. “You left me.” He adds as an afterthought, in but a mumble, it sounds like something he has repeated many times to make himself believe it, a mantra.

Hajime shakes his head because that’s not what happened, it’s not—

“You just left.”

 

\---

 

They don’t speak for two days after that. 

Hajime gets himself busy with the project about young love and tries to not snort at the mockery of it. Satoshi helps him with it, gives his advice as model and to some extent as friend; he never asks Hajime a thing about Oikawa and he is grateful for that. The young models he has contracted to finish the other half of the portfolio are good, they know what to do and how to do it and Hajime’s job gets easier because of this. 

Nanae knocks on his family home the morning of the third day into their fight.

Hajime steps aside and lets her in.

 

\---

 

Tooru is not good at loosing; he sucks at it, Shiratorizawa, Karasuno and Shiratorizawa again, Hajime watches as it happens while the volleyball season starts and finishes, how his friend starts shouldering all the blame and always with a smile firm on his lips --how he starts practicing day after day, forcing his knee a little bit more every time.  
It’s never easy with volleyball and Tooru, he is too obsessed by it, and sometimes it consumes him altogether. Half of the time he spends with Hajime nowadays, he seems to be very far away. 

They will be going to college soon, they are moving to an apartment together even though they are going to different universities. It goes like that for months until Tooru’s knee finally snaps, Hajime drags him to the hospital and yells at him for hours. 

And then, they just stop, they stop talking, they stop laughing, they stop kissing and they also stop the fucking. 

Tooru’s knee will get better if he rests, it’s nothing serious yet, and the doctor says he can still play if he stops his daily training --oddly enough, Tooru obeys. 

The first girl is a surprise, as Hejime enters Tooru’s room and she scrambles nude for her clothing, Tooru steps out of his bathroom then, freshly showered and with just a towel covering his hips. “Iwa-chan, I didn’t hear you coming.”

Hajime just looks at him and it just, it fucking hurts. “You forgot your notes yesterday.”

“Thanks,” Tooru says looking through his closet for clothes.

The second, third and fourth following girls don’t surprise him as much. He loses count after the tenth. He never asks why, or gets pondering if maybe it was his fault, it’s no use, so Hajime keeps carrying as normal, he still screams at Tooru for being an idiot, he still hits him when is necessary to make him use reason and he just remains there.  
College arrives pretty much in the same fashion, they move together, they have movie nights and Tooru complains after every little core Hajime throws his way.  
The girls keep coming and going, and sometimes Hajime has to just stop and really look at them because they look like they came straight out from a fashion magazine. 

Tooru starts playing for the college team and he seems happy enough, he gets better. They are getting by, Hajime works on his projects and Tooru starts practicing again, the thing with the girls stops for a while, it almost feels normal.

It doesn’t last.

 

\---

 

“I’m not sure why I even accepted coming here.” Hajime sighs.

Oikawa just looks at him. “It’s our river, Iwaizumi-sama, that’s enough reason to come.” 

“It’s not.”

“It is. We used to catch frogs here.”

Hajime snorts. “I used to catch frogs here, you just squeaked like a baby every time one jumped your way.”

Oikawa pouts and Hajime has to repress a smile. This place reminds him too much of his childhood, a childhood shared with the idiot standing in front of him. “What did she say to make you agree to come and meet me here?”

Hajime shrugs; bents and picks a pebble to throw out to the stream. “Something about you wanting to apologize.”

“I am not good at that.”

“Try.”

 

\---

 

It all falls apart in Tooru's third year, when his team faces Karasuno's former number nine and ten, freshman in university that year. Hajime is there for the match, Tooru does well, even beyond of what's expected of him --but is just impossible, they are strong, way stronger that what Hajime remembers from high school. Tooru's team loses.  
Tooru doesn't speak to him for days; he refuses food and misses a week of classes. Hajime talks to him every day, patiently, even in the times when Tooru fakes selective mutism. Sometimes, he just snaps and shakes him with the hope of him getting better. It takes a while, he may even say, what felt like years but in the end he does, Tooru gets better.  
And that's when it starts. 

When Hajime goes back to their apartment and finds a trail of rumpled clothes scattered around the living room on an ordinary day, he doesn’t think much of it. Tooru and his one night girlfriends are nothing new, so he just goes to bed, shoves his earbuds on his auricles and powers up the music to the max. He has learned to cope with Tooru and his affairs. He has learned to cope with the usual bitterness and heart ache.

It isn’t until next morning when he awakens and sees who is sitting in their table that Hajime thinks, that all the rumpled clothes of yesterday looked like it belonged to a man.  
His second thought is 'shit'.

Kageyama Tobio is sitting in their table, looking hangover, well fucked and extremely, extremely guilty. He actually flinches when Hajime says good morning which makes Hajime feel a kind of feels sympathy for him.

Tooru is nowhere around, not yet, and while Hajime feels hostile and just a little sick, he also knows it's not Kageyama's fault, not really. He is thinking of saying something, anything really, to lighten the mood when Tooru comes out of his room, he chirps a happy "good morning Iwa-chan," and then smiles, he actually has the guts to fucking smile, turns and waves a cute salutation for their former underclassman and Hajime reads the action for what it is, a mockery. 

Tooru looks pleased in a cruel way and the nausea in Hajime's stomach doubles thanks to this.

"How are you feeling Tobio-chan?" Tooru asks. "Not too sore I hope."

Kageyama blanches at that, actually, truly blanches.

Hajime thinks this (whatever this is) will end badly. 

It does. 

All it takes is six days. Six days where Tooru fucks Kageyama as if he is in some kind of competence. The younger man looks pale, jittery and tired but he keeps doing it anyway, Hajime doesn’t understand why --he also tries to be home late every night, he really doesn’t want to see them go at it. The seventh day is when everything goes to hell, is Sunday and Hajime hears the doorbell ring twice, he knows Tooru won’t get up to see who it is, too lazy to even try and Kageyama is mostly out of it so he gets up yawning and opens the door. 

Kageyama's partner is standing outside with red rimmed eyes and nervous energy twitching on his hands, he looks heartbroken and on the verge of murder, he really does have a presence for someone so tiny. "Is he here?" He asks in an even tone and Hajime can tell he is hoping the answer will be no. Hajime just nods and steps out of Hinata's way.  
There's shouting after that, Hinata's mostly and Hajime feels sorry for him. It goes on for a while and he doesn't interfere, not even when things come to punches. Tooru deserves it, even if Hajime's instincts always tell him he should be there stopping any harm inflicted on his air-headed friend. 

When they finally leave, storming off and with a heavy silence between them, Tooru comes out to the living room with a black eye and a split lip. 

"What a brute," He whines and Hajime just sighs taking a bag of ice to him. 

"I kind of hate them, you know," Tooru says flopping down on the couch. "Their perfect trust and perfect love. Their stupid perfect forever after. Shrimpy was really hurt this time though; Tobio will have a hard time fixing this one."

"You are an ass." Hajime says and he really means it this time. 

 

\---

 

By the time their final year of university rolls around, Tooru has managed to fuck up his knee three more times; every time is a little bit harder, a little bit more strained, a little bit more auto destructive. Hajime knows now what a chronic injurie means, he has learned thanks to all the times he has accompanied Tooru to the hospital, he doesn’t think is a good thing.

 

\---

“I thought,” Oikawa says, swallowing hard. “I thought I was going to die without you, you know… I mean back then, at the beginning, I thought, I was going to really die from sadness.”

Hajime doesn’t say anything back; he just waits for Oikawa to keep going.

“I mean, well, the me from that time thought it wouldn’t be so bad… after I failed the first attempt, a second one with me blessedly unaware it was happening wouldn’t have been so bad,”

“But you didn’t die.”

Oikawa shakes his head. “The first time thanks to you, the second time… I looked for help.”

Hajime doesn’t know what to say at that, they are still close to the river; they are sitting at the edge of it. It’s late and Hajime can see the stars starting to glitter in the sky, it almost feels like a homecoming, almost. It’s hard doing this, talking about it after all the time that has passed –the wedding is still happening and Hajime doesn’t want to hear it now, not anymore, Tooru’s apology feels already too late.

“I shouldn’t have put you through all of that.”

“You did.”

Oikawa hunches over himself. “You left after own your own, anyway.”

Hajime’s fingers start to tremble at that; he knows it’s anger. “You didn’t hear me,” he rasps and he thinks he shouldn’t be explaining himself, not about this but the words spill from his mouth without his permission and it feels good to finally let it all go. “you didn’t see me, you stopped talking to me, you stopped caring, you just stopped, again and again and again.”

Oikawa turns to look at him, there’s pain in his eyes. “I know, I am sorry, Iwa-chan.” He says softly and Hajime feels like the wind has been knocked out of him.

It’s a start.

 

\---

 

After college Tooru gets scouted to play on the national team as a regular; after college Tooru takes him back to their hometown, to a river where they used to play when they were little, he asks for forgiveness and pleads for Hajime to stay with him –he hands Hajime a ring, a simple silver band and asks him to wait just a little bit more for their forever; he is almost there at the very top, he is finally, finally close to achieving all his dreams. He needs to see it done.

Hajime accepts, they live together again, are a couple again and Hajime thinks, maybe, maybe, maybe.

Tooru’s knee breaks for good that same year.

The doctors say it won’t be possible for him to play ever again.

 

\---

 

Healing is a slow process, Hajime knows. Oikawa’s apology hurt in ways he didn’t expect it to. He tells Satoshi he can’t do it anymore, breaks it up with him for good.

The model doesn’t get mad, offers to stay as a friend. Hajime thinks he really needs one of those right now and so he tells him everything. To the very start until the day he found Tooru lifeless on their bed with an overdose of painkillers and filled forms breaking his contract with the national selection.

He tells him how he had paled thinking Tooru was dead, his rush to take him to the hospital, the many days (and sleepless nights) he passed in the sterile white halls waiting and waiting for Tooru to open his eyes again. It took two months but then he finally did, Hajime didn’t speak with him, he just asked about his current status, if he was stable… if he would be alright. 

And then when the doctors had said yes, how Hajime had just left. 

It’s been three years since then.

 

\---

 

After that,

 

Tooru gets married in a sunny day; he looks happy, he thanks Hajime for everything (closure) just before the ceremony begins. 

All of their old team shows to support their former captain, with Hanamaki and Matsukawa never leaving Hajime’s side and forming a temporary truce between them.  
Nanae bows at him at the end when the party is almost over, says she will take a good care of Oikawa for him. Hajime nods, hugs them hard the day after and goes back to his previous life.

At the very least he has completed the ‘young love’ project. He puts a picture of them (Oikawa with his usual victory sign and Hajime scowling to the camera) in the middle of it and a picture of Oikawa’s marriage at the end – it seems young love is never a lasting one but he doesn’t feel bitter about it, he has good memories of that time too, just not the bad ones and Hajime thinks that’s enough.

He hands his company the project and travels to complete another assignment in Rio de Janeiro, he sends the Oikawa couple a postal from there.

 

\---

 

After that,

 

When the day of the wedding arrives Hajime is surprised to see another man instead of Tooru in the groom’s place. Tooru sits at his side through the ceremony and explains how all the thing about him getting married was a lie his doctor (Nanae) and him conceived taking advantage of the fact that she was indeed getting married that month to her boyfriend of five years to make Hajime come and talk with him again face to face. Hajime strangely enough doesn’t get mad.

All their old team shows up and complain at them for making them worry so much (‘Mom and dad are the worst’) but it’s good natured, Hanamaki and Matsukawa start speaking with each other again and all of them stay for the party and cheer for Oikawa when Nanae throws her bucket of flowers at him.

The next day Oikawa shows up at his door, smiles charmingly at Hajime’s mom and asks how long until they go.

Life with Oikawa back in Tokyo turns out good, what was always supposed to be. They travel together when Hajime has an assignment and stay the days he doesn’t; he never actually manages to finish the ‘young love’ project. Oikawa opens a little volleyball teaching academy close to their place, Hajime helps him with it.

Hinata Himawari shows up one day at the academy, a complete prodigy ball of sunshine, and thanks to this Oikawa almost develops a tick; Hajime laughs at him for days.

They grow old together and go back to their hometown when they both start showing wrinkles on their skin. They re-open their academy and coach part time Aoba Jhosay’s team.  
Their team wins at nationals that year, and the after that the captain hands Tooru their gold medals.

Tooru cries in Hajime’s arms that night, but this time is not from sadness or frustration, this time Hajime knows, Tooru is happy, truly really happy.

And just because of that Hajime smiles as well.

 

\---

 

Or maybe,

Hajime never receives Oikawa’s call.

**Author's Note:**

> I had already posted this work here before but it was incomplete, it was around 3,000 words and intended to be a multi-chaptered project but I took it down and decided to make it a oneshot. So I fixed some plot things and finally, finally after months of struggle managed to finish it.
> 
> Not betaed, so sorry for the many mistakes.


End file.
